


Ready To Call This Love

by starlightmesss



Series: Melancholic Omens [9]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Couch Cuddles, Demon Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Lots of Angst, M/M, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Stab Wound, THE STABBING ISN'T DESCRIBED BUT IT'S THERE, Tags for Ch 2, Tags for Ch 3, Unhappy Ending, WARNING: I'll add tags as I upload the chapters, for now, i guess, slight slight angst, so check them if you want to be sure!, so like, still fluff but a little sad, wink wink, wound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26175628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightmesss/pseuds/starlightmesss
Summary: "I'm afraid of the worldLosing love in the darkEvery time that I move too fast, I fall apartBut I think you're the sameAnd I know that you're scaredThink too much of the end and we will never start"Something big happens
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Melancholic Omens [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568305
Kudos: 35





	1. Don't wait when you know you feel it

**Author's Note:**

> titles based on the song "Ready To Call This Love" by Mika

LONDON. 1812.

It was a cold winter evening and there was so much snow falling that if you looked out of the window you’d only see white flakes dancing filling the dark sky. 

Neither Zira nor Raphael were paying much attention to that, though, because they were too busy with their mindless chatter, both sitting on the couch in Raphael’s apartment, the demon with a mug of hot tea in his hand, and the archangel with his legs up, buried under 3 blankets, because he absolutely hated cold weather. Actually, he hated  _ being cold _ , but if the cold weather allowed him to cuddle as close as possible to Zira and let them spend a pleasant evening like that, he didn’t mind at all. 

It happened very rarely, being able to spend some time together just talking and joking and laughing without having to worry too much about Heaven and Hell. 

Raphael loved those moments, and he loved the company even more. 

He loved spending time with Zira, loved talking to him, someone who really understood him, someone he could tease, someone he could turn to, loved the fact that he was that person to Zira as well, because he knew he was, loved- 

Well, at this point he could admit it at least to himself, admit that the demon wasn’t just someone he liked the company of. He knew it was something deeper, but he didn’t dare say it. Because admitting he loved him would also mean admitting that he wanted more. Spend more time with him, being able to be with him without having to worry all the time about their sides finding out, being able to tell Zira, to show him everything he felt, being able to hug him, maybe kiss him-

_ No, shake that, Raphael. That’s not going to happen. You don’t even know if he feels the same things. _

Except that he knew. He had always known, and so had Zira.

He focused back on him, who was currently talking about a book he had read, and just stared. He could sit there and listen to him talking about books for hours. Few things made the demon light up like that, made him look as if everything bad had momentarily disappeared. He looked happy, carefree even. It wasn’t a common look on him. 

The fire in the fireplace in front of them was illuminating his face softly, and Raphael couldn’t hide from it anymore. 

_ I love him. _

Finally admitting it to himself hit him with a wave of affection so hard that his brain disconnected for half a second and he found himself burying his face in the other’s neck, hugging him tight. 

“Oh,” Zira stopped talking mid-sentence, “hey, dear.” And started stroking the back of the archangel’s neck, returning the hug with his free arm. 

A few minutes passed, then Zira broke the silence again. “To what do I owe this?” he asked, so tenderly that it made Raphael’s heart ache.

The archangel answered, but it came out more as a mumble than actual words. The demon chuckled. “I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch that.”

“I said,” Raphael moved his head just enough to make his voice be heard clearly, “no particular reason.”

He moved a little bit more to be able to look at the demon’s face, and was greeted with a soft smile he couldn’t help but mimic. 

“Also, your hands are frozen.”

“Ah, I know. I get cold easily.” And just because he was that much of an asshole, he moved his hands further down Zira’s neck, under his shirt.

The demon jumped, barely managing to keep the mug from falling out of his hand. “FUCK YOU, RAPHAEL,” he gasped, but there was no anger in his voice. Raphael was laughing so much that he removed his hands from Zira’s back and covered his mouth with them, because he was an asshole, but also a well-mannered angel.

“Holy shit, Raphael, they’re cold as ice,” the demon said, and after holding the mug with both hands for a couple seconds and placing it on the table in front of the couch, he grabbed the archangel’s hands. Raphael smiled at him and leaned his head again on the demon’s shoulder, who leaned back against the couch, taking the archangel with him. They were almost lying down, so close to each other that if Raphael were to move his head a bit up, their noses would probably be touching. He’d feel Zira’s breath on his face, their lips would be so close that it’d take just a quick movement, just a second-

_ Stop. Stop right now, _ part of his brain was telling him, but there was one single thought that was much louder.  _ I love him. I love him. I love him- _

Raphael looked up and found the demon looking at him, his expression soft, but showing an emotion Raphael was way too familiar with. Longing. 

_ He wants it too _ , suddenly realized the archangel, as Zira’s glance moved from Raphael’s eyes to a spot a little bit lower. Raphael did the same.

He freed a now warmer hand from the demon’s grasp and placed it on Zira’s neck and then everything happened automatically. The gap between them was closed and they were finally kissing, their lips brushing so softly against one another, as if they were scared the other would reject it. When they pulled away Raphael had no idea how much time had passed. 

They looked into each other’s eyes again, and without needing to say anything, they were kissing again. This time less uncertain and more desperate. Desperate to make up for thousands of years of waiting, to never let this end, to express everything they were feeling. Raphael’s arms linked around Zira’s neck, his fingers brushing his hair, and the demon hugged his waist, pulling him closer, hands roaming on the other’s back. The demon moved a little bit too far back and they were lying down. Then they were smiling, so wide they had to stop kissing. Raphael started laughing and Zira followed him. 

The look they shared then was so full of affection, so full of-

Love.  _ Love _ . That was Love right there between them.

“Raphael,” the demon whispered, just that, just his name, as he moved a strand of hair that had fallen in front of the archangel’s eyes, so tenderly that it made Raphael’s heart burst. 

“Zira,” he whispered back. 

Then they kissed again. And again. And again.


	2. I know that you're scared

Raphael was ecstatic. 

A couple of days had passed since Zira and him had kissed for the first time and it felt like he was living a dream. They didn’t have any job to do, no assignments of any sort, no Heaven nor Hell needing them to do anything at the moment. So they just took some time for themselves, to talk about their feelings, joke about the pining they had gone through during all that time, and just being sickeningly adorable, if Raphael had to be honest. But he didn’t care about it. He had waited thousands of years, so if he wanted to be sappy, he was going to be. 

They were currently cuddled on the archangel’s couch and Zira was teasing him, talking about how “you’ve never been subtle, dear, not even in the slightest.” 

“Look who’s talking,” was Raphael’s answer, said with a wide smile, the one that had been on his face for the whole time during those days.

Raphael was over the moon with joy, but also pretty much scared. Scared for Zira, mostly. He could only imagine what Hell did to disobeying demons, and the archangel doubted they’d see their relationship as anything less than an abomination. They had had to hide when they still were on purely platonic terms (if they had ever been, that is), and a romantic relationship, with an angel nonetheless, would lead any demon to being killed without hesitation, Raphael was sure. That’s what Hell did. 

He could never bear it if Zira- no, just the thought of it made him feel like he was lacking air.

The concern caused by that train of thoughts must had shown on his face, because the demon was now wearing a worried expression as well.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

He could have discarded the thought, said it was nothing, but it wasn’t nothing. It was a Big Something actually, and hiding this kind of things from Zira sounded like the perfect example of what he did  _ not  _ want their relationship to be built on. 

So he voiced his thoughts.

“Don’t worry about that, darling,” said Zira, placing a soft kiss on Raphael’s cheek, and the archangel almost forgot why he was worried. Then he shook his head and focused back on his point.

“What if something happens to you?” Raphael sat up to look at him better. “I mean, I can handle Heaven, but Hell-”

“Heaven isn’t easy to deal with, either,” Zira reminded him.

“I know, but I’m an Archangel. They’d never- you know- kill me or anything. Too much of a big deal.”

“Ah, right, I suppose.”

For being about a possible life threatening situation, the conversation was quite calm. Raphael was just worried, worried sick that now that he had something real with Zira, they would come to take it away. 

“Anyway,” the archangel continued, “Heaven can be pretty annoying, but Hell? Hell is actually dangerous, isn’t it?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not like they need to know about this,” Zira said, and moved a hand on Raphael’s cheek, caressing him, trying to keep him calm. Raphael really loved him. 

The archangel sighed and leaned into the touch. “What if they find out?” came out almost as a whisper, he couldn’t help but keep overthinking it.

Zira sat up too and held Raphael’s face gently in his hands, looking directly into his eyes. “Raphael, dear.”

“Mh?”

“I don’t want to give us up.”

Raphael’s eyes widened. “Me neither!” Was that what it sounded like he was suggesting? It was the complete opposite. He wanted to keep this so badly, he was scared to lose it.

“Then we’ll be as careful as we’ve always been.”

“But-”

“Trust me, we’ll be fine, I promise.”

Zira’s voice soothed him, and he basically melted. He did trust him. He had to, he  _ wanted  _ to. 

He sighed. “Okay, yes, I trust you.”

Zira nodded decisively, with that soft smile that Raphael was proud to identify as the one reserved to him and him only, and hugged him tight. The archangel felt better immediately. 

_ I trust you. _


	3. So afraid it'll go wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHECK THE TAGS THEY'VE BEEN UPDATED

Three days later, they were back to their usual routine.

Raphael missed spending so much time with Zira, but, unfortunately, they had work to do. 

Zira also owned a bookshop. Keeping it closed for more days would have looked weird, especially for his shop.

Sometimes you could find it open in the middle of the night, on any day, and there wasn’t a single person leaving the building without a book. A human maybe walked in there with just the intention of looking around and they found themselves walking out with  _ at least _ one new book. Then, he somehow managed to find another copy of the books he sold every time.

The demon loved spreading knowledge, and he loved learning too.

He spent whole nights staying up reading, either old books he particularly enjoyed, or new ones he was interested in. Not that there were many books he  _ wasn’t  _ interested in. He loved learning about humans and he considered reading the things they wrote the best way to do so. 

Raphael had learned all of that the first time he saw the demon skillfully talking a customer (who hadn’t intended being one at first) into buying four different books. 

It was his way of tempting people, and he preferred his method much more than the ones of other demons.

The archangel was currently headed over there, quite early in the morning, to see if Zira was interested in having breakfast with him.

He walked up the steps in front of said bookshop, and reached for the handle, but the door didn’t open. Weird. 

He peeked inside. Maybe Zira was reading something and didn’t realize he hadn’t opened the shop. It wouldn’t have been the first time it happened.

The bookshop was empty, though. No demon sitting on the couch with a book in his hands. Weird again.

He was about to walk down the steps to go check through the windows, to see if he was wandering around the shop, sorting through the multitude of volumes he had, when he heard a noise coming from somewhere not too far from there. Something like a whisper. 

He looked around and when the sound came again, he managed to find the source. A little alley across the road.

It was too early for the sun to illuminate it properly, and there still was some snow from days before, so Raphael approached carefully, unable to see clearly what was over there. As he got closer, he started to see the figure on the pavement more clearly and hear the noise better. 

_ Raphael _ . 

He froze when he recognized his name and the voice calling him. 

There, sitting against a wall, was Zira and-  _ Fuck. Is that- _

All around the demon was a dark red puddle, and the archangel soon realized there was a stain of the same color on his clothes, on the area near his right hip. Blood. And definitely his.

Raphael felt his legs move and he found himself running towards Zira and dropping on his knees next to him, looking for a wound.

He let out a series of “WHAT HAPPENED?” and “ARE YOU OKAY?” and mostly curses. 

Zira’s expression was calm. The archangel found the cut and took his own jacket off to use it to stop the bleeding.

“Demons these days don’t have manners, do they?” the demon joked, half-smirking.

Raphael’s eyes widened even more, so much that it was probably visible through his sunglasses. It probably would have been comical, if it wasn’t for the context. “They did this to you?” he asked, and let out a sigh of relief when he saw the injury wasn’t discorporating him. He still wasn’t calm, though.

“I’m fine, dear, I just need to get to the bookshop, can you help me?” he asked, gently, in a tone that was probably trying to be soothing.

The archangel swallowed down what threatened to be tears and helped Zira on his feet, tried to ignore the wince of pain the demon let out, and held him as they walked towards the shop. Thankfully, no one was around at that time.

“Good thing it’s early in the morning, isn’t it?” Zira noticed too, with a casual tone.

Raphael shook his head. “You can’t even take a stab wound seriously, can you?”

Zira sighed. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to worry-”

“Well I  _ am  _ worried. You’ve been  _ stabbed _ .” He honestly didn’t understand how he could take it so lightly.

“And I will be fine.”

They walked inside and headed to the back of the shop. Zira miracled up a piece of cloth and some water and sat on a chair, starting to clean the wound, which Raphael noticed was already disappearing. He knelt in front of him and took the cloth from his hands, wiping away the remaining blood on his skin.

“There’s no need to, Raphael, I can do this myself.”

“Let me help.” His voice came out as cold as ice. Zira opened his mouth to say something, but apparently decided against it. 

Raphael needed to do something otherwise he knew he was going to let out the tears he had been swallowing down, so he finished cleaning the blood away and stood up, placing the bowl with the water and the cloth on a table.

Zira must had noticed the archangel’s expression, though, because he started saying, “Raphael, I’m good, they didn’t use anything mortal, it’s just-”

Those words made Raphael snap. “Oh!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air, and turned to face him, “nothing mortal! I am so relieved now! Oh, thank God, I thought it was something serious like, I don’t know, a life threat- Oh wait! It’s what it was, wasn’t it?”

Zira was looking away and Raphael suddenly felt his face wet, realizing he wasn’t holding the tears back anymore.

“Maybe...” was the demon’s answer.

“Zira I am being very serious right now.” 

Now Raphael was mad. How could he take this as a joke? Demons threatened to kill him and he was shaking it off like nothing.

“Yeah, okay, it was a threat.” Zira looked up to him again. “What was I supposed to say? I don’t want you to worry too much about this. Hell does this kind of things.”

“Very reassuring.” Raphael’s voice was just a bit more than a breath.

Zira let out a sigh, his expression changed into a mix of concern and sadness. “Raphael-”

“Do you need clean clothes?” He spoke up, interrupting the demon. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear another  _ ‘I’m fine’ _ . This wasn’t fine. He knew why they had done it, it couldn’t be a coincidence, a few days after they-

Raphael’s head was starting to spin. _ I need air. _

“I have them upstairs in my apartment, I-”

“Then I should let you get cleaned up,” he said, and headed towards the door. 

“Hey. Raphael, please, wait-” 

“If you need anything you know where to find me.” 

Raphael reached for the handle, opening the door and leaving, before he could hear what Zira was trying to say. 

His only thought was  _ I need some air. I need to get out of here. _

He walked back home.

\--

FOLLOWING DAY.

That morning, every time he heard the door being opened, Zira looked up expectantly, hoping to see familiar red hair entering the shop. 

He was considering going to the archangel’s apartment to talk to him, and at the fifth time he was disappointed by the person walking in, he was pretty determined.

As he was convincing a man to buy a third book, though, he heard the door being opened again, and this time it was Raphael, looking around until his gaze found Zira.

The demon almost dropped the book he was holding, shoved it into the man’s hands, and rushed to the door. 

“I need to talk to you,” said the archangel, before Zira could even open his mouth to greet him.

“Of course,” he said, smiling, trying to hide how worried he was, “come with me.” And turned around, heading for the back of the shop, to have a little bit of privacy (as much as the back of a bookshop could provide, anyway).

“How do you feel?” asked Raphael, taking off his sunglasses as he always did when they were alone, worried look dropping for a second to where the wound was.

“All fine, as if I never got hurt. How are  _ you _ ? You left so suddenly.”  _ Are you still mad? _ was the question he wanted to ask. He had never seen Raphael so upset like he was the previous day, and he knew he couldn’t blame him for it. He just didn’t want him to worry too much about what had happened. It’s what every demon risks, anyway.

“Yes, sorry, I needed some time.”

Now Zira was struggling to hide his fear. “Time for what?”

“Thinking.”

Zira was positive all blood drained from his face. “Raphael…” he didn’t even know what he wanted to say. He knew what he was thinking. He was thinking about the conversation they had had a few days before. He was thinking:  _ Please, please I care about us too much. I know you’re scared, but we can work this out. Please. _

But he didn’t say it. 

“What did they tell you?” Raphael broke the silence, and the demon knew what he meant.

He could have lied. Told him it was for some temptation gone wrong, that it had nothing to do with their relationship. Anything to keep the archangel’s fears from growing stronger. But he couldn’t lie on something like that. Not to Raphael. 

Even if he would have wanted to (he didn’t), Raphael could see right through him. He always did.

He took a deep breath, and then said it all quickly, “that the next time they see me kissing an angel the dagger they used will be soaked in holy water.”

The archangel’s expression dropped completely. Zira could see his eyes getting wet.  _ No no no don’t cry. _

Before he could say it, Raphael was hugging him tight. So tight he was grateful he didn’t need to breathe. He hugged him back. Held him like he was scared that if he’d let him go he would have disappeared. 

He might have.

The archangel’s body was shaking and Zira felt the tears dropping on his shirt. He hugged him even tighter.

They parted and Raphael said, “when I saw you in that alley-”

“I am so sorry, dear.”

“Let me finish,” his voice broke, “when I saw you in that alley, with all that blood- I don’t think I’ve ever felt more scared in my life. Zira, I- I can’t lose you like that.”

“You won’t,” he tried to reassure him. “It will be fine.”

But he knew he couldn’t promise that, not again. He had said it himself, Hell did that kind of things. And if they made a threat, it was never an empty one. 

“How can you tell?” Raphael sounded like it hurt to say every word. “What about the ‘next time they see you kissing an angel’?”

“There won’t be a next time. They won’t see us again, we’ll be careful.”

_ This isn’t happening _ , thought Zira,  _ this can’t be happening. Thousands of years waiting to be with him and it can’t all end like this. Before we could do so many things. Before I could tell him I love him. Before he could say it to me. This isn’t happening. _

“You can’t know that. We never did nothing of the sort outside my apartment, never one single sign of affection out of the ordinary. They’re keeping an eye on you. On both of us. Who knows how long they’ve been doing this. And now that they saw us? They won’t stop.”

“I’m willing to take the risk.”

Raphael looked like he had just been punched. “I’m not. I don’t want to lose you, Zira, I can’t.”

“Then what do you suggest on doing?” he didn’t actually want to ask. He knew what he was suggesting, he didn’t want to hear it. But he was going to say it anyway.

Raphael looked away. They stood like that for a couple of seconds, then yellow eyes were back on his, and the archangel swallowed hard. “There won’t be a next time. They won’t see us again because there won’t be anything to see again.”

Now Zira felt like he was about to start crying too. “Raphael-”

“It’s the only thing that can keep them from killing you.”

“ _ Raphael- _ ” he repeated, voice so broken it was a whisper now.

The archangel moved to turn around, probably about to leave.

Zira grabbed his wrist before he could make a step towards the door. “No, no, no, wait. I meant it when I said I don’t want to give us up.”

_ Please, please, please. _

“Zira, don’t-”

“And you said you didn’t want to either.”

“Don’t. Don’t make it harder than it already is. Please. I don’t want to-” Raphael was crying again and Zira absolutely hated it.

“Then don’t.”

“I can’t.”

“Raphael, please-”

“It’s breaking my heart too, Zira!” He almost shouted, like the previous day, “but I can’t risk your life, I  _ can’t _ .”

Zira didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to make him cry even more. 

He didn’t want him to leave.

He let go of his arm.

Raphael wiped the tears away from his face and wore his sunglasses again. “I’ll, uh-” he looked around, then grabbed a random book, “take this. Pretend I bought it so it won’t look weird. I’ll get it back to you.” 

He turned around again, but Zira didn’t try to stop him this time. It took all the self control he had not to go after him again, to stop him, but he couldn’t hurt him more. He watched as Raphael made his way to the door and walked out.

_ I love you.  _


End file.
